Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ready to roll

I will officially be on the way to Philly for the JA conference in 11.5 hours!  I don't know why, but I'm nervous!  I have to say that I do dread airport security since I'm always the one that seems to have issues.  With everything.  :p  It's usually silly, stupid stuff, but enough to have me on edge.  Airports aside, I cannot wait to get there!!!  I can't believe that 2.5 years of waiting & this is finally becoming a reality!  Oh, how many nights I have sat up until so late just researching, trying to understand, maybe even trying to cure.  Kevin probably was ready to kill me for a while because it really became all that I could talk about for a while.  But I think I really believed that if I just read enough, maybe I would find the magic answer.  Yeah, I know better now.  I know so much more now.  I also never thought she would have a flare, I thought she was in such good control.  It's easy to "think" when you're not the one that "feels".  
I remember as a kid thinking that I wanted to get married, have 2 kids, have the perfect home, probably stay home but still go to school for something first.  I thought that things would be just so.  I was wrong on almost everything, BUT I'm glad.  I'm not just "going through the motions".   It sucks that Emily has arthritis.  Raynaud's sucks.  It makes me angry that she will have to hurt more days of her little life than anyone should need to.  But it has woken me up.  I'm a better person now.  I have passion for things!  Not so much before.  We opera sing-song to each other some nights instead of speak.  We laugh way more than snap or fight.  
I have learned that -no matter how well you think you know someone- you just don't know what someone else feels.  Strength is quiet.  Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.  In the space of a few years I went from treating kids the way that most people do- as little things that should just listen and do as they're told- to treating them as little people.  Why?  They are stronger than you'd think, smarter than you'd think, and sometimes more dependent on you than you'd think.  That girl is my hero.  She feels bad more often than not, but she's always happy, she never complains, and she just carries on.  I am so honored to be able to take her to this conference.  I'm excited to take her in a plane, to meet other RA kids.  I hope that she will learn as much as I hope to.  I plan on blogging from my phone if I can, if I have time.  Sometimes proper punctuation just doesn't work on it, but I shall give it my all!  If you pray, please pray for a safe flight & trip for us both.  Thank you so much!!!  Take care!  Bbs.....


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