Friday, May 28, 2010

Joy amidst the chaos

The last couple of days have been quiet & peaceful.  I've met a few very interesting people, and learned more about some others that I already knew.  It's funny sometimes how when you think you know something you find out that just maybe you were dead wrong.  Sometimes it's a blessing in disguise.  I tell ya... the Lord puts the right people in place at the right time, and he tries to grant you blessings through the pain.  It's awesome.

Child wise... Ashley won 2 more awards at school last night!  She won  a medal for "Above & Beyond", and a certificate of achievement for outstanding performance!  She really has grown so much musically.  Once upon a time, listening to her sing through the bathroom door and around a wall while she was in the shower sounded akin to listening to a dying cow.  She was trying to sing the wrong songs as well.  She has found that her musical gift is opera, and she does a beautiful job with it.  Zachary is finally feeling better.  His cheeks and eyes look normal again.  Before they were both red.  And Emily... she's so adept at living with a horribly painful, draining cluster of diseases that even when she's feeling badly it's hard to tell... unless she's flaring.  Then you can tell by the bewildered look in her eyes, and the look of determination upon her face. 

Not that I would ever in a million years wish it on anyone, but I got to thinking the other day that at least some forms of leukemia have something like a 98% cure rate.  Like, CURE.  When she was first tentatively diagnosed by her pediatrician with JA, the first thing her doctor said was "well, it's not leukemia".  At the time, I was joyful, thrilled that at least we avoided that.  Now that we've had about 3 years pass by and the first bad flare, now that I know this is never really going to be out of her life, and that probably every day of her existence will be plagued with pain, I got to thinking that maybe leukemia wouldn't have been so bad.  However, she doesn't feel sorry for herself, so I guess I can't either.  It just makes me angry some days, and sad on others.  Even knowing in the back of my mind that we were in this for the long haul, I don't think it really hit me until this past month.  (Ya know... along with everything else!)   Thankfully, God made me extra strong.  Anyway, it's our game night!  I'll be back soonish...

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