Our last hospital visit. Ugh.

I've had a few days to ponder and mull now.  I still feel a little numb, and just exhausted.  My Facebook friends know most of this, but I didn't want to leave anyone out.

I had emailed the nurse practitioner at our rheumies office last Monday, in preparation of our visit that Thursday and Friday.  She spoke to the doctor, and we all agree that she needed a new swallow study done.  Emily had told me that she feels like there is a bubble in her throat when she tries to swallow.  Hmmm.  Since she had started to get stuffed up again (on antibiotic number 2 for the month), I mentioned that, as well as the headaches she has been having.  I assume they are either from the sinus infection from hell or maybe from the growth hormones.

I wasn't going to tell her about the upper GI until right before.  I asked for Xanax for her.  She never uses that stuff except for medical testing.  She just freaks out.  It's bad.  I guess that everyone thought I was overreacting.  Nope!  It was supposed to be outpatient at 11, but knowing how difficult it would be to get us out on time, they made it inpatient at 11:30.  She woke up on Friday morning to the nurse telling her it was time to go downstairs for the test.  She got herself so worked up that she almost hyperventilated.  She cried for a good hour.  She didn't calm down until someone finally got her a 1/2 a Xanax, but it was too late by then.  She was rescheduled for 3:30, though no one told the scheduler downstairs.  We were discharged at 1:30, so we had time to kill.  We couldn't really leave, and since she couldn't eat, we tried to avoid all of the food places.

They told me to give her another 1/2 Xanax around 3.  Despite having one full Xanax in her, when they took her back she still had another hour meltdown.  I can't blame her.  She has no control, no say in any of this.  It sucks.  If I didn't suspect it was bad, I never would have pushed.

After she finally calmed down, she worked with them to help herself.  She asked to be slightly elevated.  I watched the barium start to go down, then back up, several times.  At one point, I thought the camera was showing something else, or glitching.  Nope.  What it basically showed is that she has, as the nurse practitioner emailed it, "Her study showed severe reflux and little motility of her esophagus."  Hmmm.   I suspected as much, but it still hurts to see it.  At the moment, that is really all that I know.  This is in conjunction with her patulous esophagus, which if you missed it, means that the muscles at the base of her esophagus have dilated and spread away from her stomach.  .  Well, this explains why she doesn't eat.

At the same time, she has spent 30 days on Augmentin and 10 days now on Clindamyacin, and she is still sick.  She had an x-ray last week that showed she is still gunked up, so the ENT is working on getting an authorization from rheumie to get this expedited so they can culture her and suck out the junk up there.  I really, really think she needs to be on a prophylactic antibiotic.  Then maybe we could stop IViG, and maybe not have to sleep over the hospital every month.

But, wait!  There's more.  I have noticed for the past couple of months that her ALT (muscle enzyme) has been a tad elevated.  I'm no longer the one to panic at the first sign of trouble, so I've just been keeping an eye on it.  However, Monday her thighs hurt badly- like a 6-7 on the pain scale.  That could mean that her dermatomyositis is also coming back, which would mean adding Prednisone back in.  We really, REALLY don't want to do that.  It makes me so sad.

If all of that wasn't enough, they ran her cortisol levels on Thursday morning before she had any of her hydrocortisone.  A normally functioning adrenal system will have a count of 10 or higher.  She was only at 1.3, so the hydrocortisone stays for now.  And the final kicker was the email from camp that she is on the wait list for both sessions.  At least we had a few good months.  Hopefully this will all pass quickly.  I guess we need to find a set Gastroenterologist now.  We've seen a couple before, but mostly as favors to our rheumies.  We don't really have anyone set.  Hopefully endo will be able to help her more with the cortisol, and ENT will see her fast to help her sinuses.  Please pray that all of this comes together just right.  Thank you.

Lots to be thankful for

Sometimes it hits me how surreal our life is.  Sometimes I realize how not-normal our "normal" is.  Sometimes I feel worried, scared or nervous about how our kids are doing, but then we walk through this cancer ward and it really puts things into perspective.  We see mothers crying in the hallway because their children are given a terrible prognosis.  Children that look more ill than any old person that I have seen are not even allowed to leave their rooms for fear of germs.  These are the days where I really embrace all that we really have.  Our home life is better than probably 80-90% of families out there.  I love being home with the kids more; I rarely have to raise my voice.  We all feel happy when Ash comes home from school or Kevin comes home from work.  That is how it should be, but I suspect it is rare for many other families out there.  I don't just love my family- I like them, too, and we enjoy each other.

Today has been a really good day at the hospital.  I feel like we've gotten some answers.  While Zach's ankles are still not great, and he has a bad spot in his back, he's doing pretty well overall.  We were talking and thinking back to when one of the doctors here first looked him over at camp.  He was a mess.  He had huge red sores (plaque psoriasis) all over him.  It was horrible.  Enbrel has given him a chance at a normal life in multiple ways.  Thankfully, 2 years down the line it is still helping him.  We got him a prescription for physical therapy because I'm not sure how to help his pain when he is walking a lot or playing hard.  I have some ideas, but I know that his issues are different from mine and what works for me may not for him.  I'm hoping that will help him to gain some endurance, too.  Otherwise he is doing very well!

We established that Emily's Pulminary Function Test came back with no problems, so that is great.  I thought it would be okay, but one can never be sure.  I spoke to the doctor at length about how her pain levels don't seem to jive.  She still hurts a LOT, and it keeps her from wanting to do much of anything.  We agree that some of it is her age with the hormones starting, some of it is muscle memory, and the adrenal insufficiency isn't helping.  We also discussed the growth problems and how growth hormone may be the key to calming her pain down.  To put this into perspective, I am 4', 9.5" tall.  I have been this height since I was 10.  Emily will be 12 on December 6.  She is 4', 1.5" tall.  I don't want her to be doomed to shortness, but I also believe that those cells not regenerating are storing pain in the nerve endings.  If her joints are good, and her muscle strength is good, then it makes sense.  Some of it is that she needs to stretch more.  We have discussed this often; I know that she is trying, but I think we need to switch it up a bit.  Her knees were bright red for months.  Today they actually looked good, but they still hurt.  I've been telling her that I think her IT bands are tight.  They just need to be stretched and she'll feel better.  It's so hard to get her to want to move.  In any case, I will take this to our previous appointments.  I think that the hydrocortisone is helping quite a bit, so hopefully she will start to feel even better from that soon.  It's a slippery slope but I have hope that soon this will all be easier for her.

One good thing is that this doctor really sees why we need endocrinology.  It makes me feel less like a paranoid, over-reactive mom.  I really try hard not to be like that.  I try to approach things with as much distance as I can, and from a clinical approach.  It can be hard, but I put a lot of thought into everything before we make decisions.  Em & I talk about it, and then Kevin & I talk about it.

As far as I know, tomorrow should just be a fast release home, but we shall see.  Sometimes things sneak up at the last second.  I still have to give our doctors here a copy of her 24 hour urine test that nephrology ordered.  It's all over the place.  Almost every section is flagged.  We see nephrology and pain management next week, and we are awaiting an appointment with endocrinology closer to home.  The endo that we saw once is leaving the hospital, and since it was two-three hours away we wanted to find someone close.  I will let y'all know how those appointments go.  I am praying endo will see her very soon!!!


*Friday note:  Dropping to 0.3mls of steroids!!!  She has been consistently on steroids with no break since October 2010.  Again, she started at 42mgs, which was about 7mls twice a day.  UGH!!!!!  She has come a long way, but finally there is an end in sight!  WOOT!!!  This is exciting!